This week I went on a socially distanced walk and did a few 3 mile runs. Every time I left the house I kept thinking about when I would do my long run. Most weeks in lockdown I’ve done anywhere from a 10-18 mile run but this week I didn’t feel up to it.
So I didn’t.
Running for me is something I do for fun. To run far I need to put in the effort, and there are certainly times when I don’t feel like going for a run but am glad I pushed myself. There are also times when it’s too much and it’s a fine line to know the difference. It’s taken years for me to know when I shouldn’t go for a run – when I’m actually ill, mentally burned out, or over-training. Right now, there are days when I feel mentally burned out and it has nothing to do with my weekly mileage.
Instead of beating myself up about it, I make a conscious decision to enjoy my time not running. I’m not training for anything and my main purpose in going for a run is to get outside and have a mental break. If I don’t think going for a run is going to be a mental break, then I don’t do it.
There seems to be pressure to make the most of our spare time in lockdown, to be productive and to do meaningful things. Whether it’s trying out all the recipes in a cookbook, completing DIY projects, learning a new language, exercising every day, working longer hours because work is on a laptop and not in an office… all of these could potentially be forms of toxic productivity if we're not doing them for the right reasons.
“Toxic productivity” is a term my colleague recently told me about. It’s the feeling I get when I feel like I need to go on a run to feel productive, but that’s my only reason to do it. It stems from setting unrealistic goals that feel overwhelming. When this happens, I stop and question why I am running. I only go on runs if it’s something I want to do. Yes, there are days when I might feel tired or unmotivated, but if a part of me wants to go for a run, I go ahead and do it. I have “on” days where I feel like I can run for hours, and I have “off” days when I'm not sure I’ll ever feel like running again. It's ok to have ups and downs, and especially right now, it's good to be flexible in approaching your goals.
Do things that make you happy and do them for the right reasons. It’s ok to tell a friend that you’ve not done anything noteworthy for the past few months – just getting through a pandemic is noteworthy enough! To be completely clear, I have spent my time doing paint-by-numbers, attempting a jigsaw (I’m rubbish), losing virtual pub quizzes (also not a talent apparently), catching up with friends and family, and, honestly, just getting some extra sleep. I think I’ve gained two hours of spare time by not commuting and I use one of those for sleeping. The other might go into watching Say Yes to the Dress. I've continued running but I'm not setting new records or even improving my times. I do it because I enjoy it and there's something reassuring about keeping some normality right now.
It's great if people are able to do something right now that they've always wanted to do, and maybe that is getting a new PB or cooking a three course meal or building that wardrobe. It’s not great if people feel like they should be doing something purely to be productive because frankly, lockdown is hard enough. Be kind to yourself and set reasonable expectations. We're all going to have some "off" days and it's ok to take a break!
